Your Life Is Your Life. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others. It's The Only Way To Kill The Endless Jealousy Cycle.
"Comparison is a thief of joy"
If you’re breathing, you’re comparing.
Since you were 6 months old your parents were already worrying about your walking age.
“Why isn’t she walking already? She’s 6 months old! John’s baby started when he was 3.667 months old.”
And this game keeps going until you’re well into your 20s.
“X’s daughter just got into the best university”
“Y’s son keeps getting promoted every 6 months”
“Z’s cousin already has 6 kids”
You keep hearing this from your parents. It’s hard not to compare your own life to that of those people. And the more you hear about it, the more you think your parents are giving you a hint that you’re a loser.
But there’s a much deeper problem with hearing this all the time.
It’s only the good stuff. The fun stuff. The best stuff we hear about.
But behind all the rainbows and unicorns there’s always something. The ugly, raw, hidden truth.
“If the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's full of shit”
3 years ago I met one of my good friends at a bar in Brazil.
I was active on Instagram back then. I followed all my friends’ lives through it. I thought double-tapping their photos was enough to keep our friendship going (it’s not).
And this particular friend…
His life looked perfect.
Getaway trips every weekend with his wife
Gourmet meals every other day. Shrimp, filet mignon, lobster… You name it.
Endless love messages declaring their eternal love for each other
From the outside, he and his wife had the perfect life.
No struggles. No issues. No drama.
Then as we talked at the bar, I started to get the full picture.
Behind all those love declarations on IG, they were struggling with the realities of modern life. On the outside, you’d think they were swimming in money.
But as I talked to him, he shared that their virtual life didn’t reflect their real situation. They didn’t have money to do and buy everything they wanted. But they still went ahead and did and bought everything anyway. That ended up putting a lot of pressure on their bank account. So they fought. A lot.
They are both hard-working people. Still married. Still working long hours every week to barely survive. But it’s hard to see roses and rainbows on the horizon of your marriage if you’re fighting over money weekly.
But this is not an article about money management. What you do with it is your problem (although you should be smart about what you do with it).
The key thing to remember here is nothing is what it seems.
Social media hides a lot of the bad stuff, like a building with cracked foundations. It’s designed to show glamour and success. Not the true reality. The struggles, insecurities, and lies.
Don’t envy what you see online. It’s all bullshit anyway.
“Comparison is a thief of joy”
I’ve been living in Ireland for 6 years. But I still question my decision to settle here.
Why?
Because of where my friends are in life.
They seem to have everything figured out:
Paying for their first house
Having a nice career
Raising kids
And it doesn’t take much for you to start questioning your own life. To feel embarrassed. A glance at people’s success on your social feed is enough to feel like a loser.
"Comparison is a thief of joy"
— Aaron on Twitter
And that’s the main issue with social media.
It turns you into an anxiety machine.
"Is it too late to have kids?"
"Is it too late to buy a house?"
"Why can't I move on with my career?"
So instead of living your best life, you’re now living your best life compared to how other people are living their lives.
You’re probably doing that right now:
Scrolling through Instagram. Comparing your partner, your house, and your wardrobe.
Scrolling through LinkedIn. Comparing your job title, salary, and your position in the food chain.
Scrolling through Facebook. Comparing how many friends you have, your latest vacation, and how many likes you got on the picture you took of a dish at a fancy restaurant.
It’s not enough to just live life. You gotta feel miserable while at it. You gotta be bombarded every single f*cking minute by everyone else’s achievements (and your lack of achievements, as a result).
And it’s impossible not to care when you compare. No matter how good your self-esteem is, you will crack.
First you start to think your job sucks. Then where you live is also not that great. Then the Country you live in could be better because just look at the life quality index in Denmark!
Then 24 hours later you reach a conclusion. Your life 100% sucks.
But all your problems would be solved if you just had the “perfect” thing outside your reach. The “perfect” career, partner, house.
There’s only one problem with this…
You’re comparing apples to oranges.
Why?
Because everyone is taking a different road in life.
You wouldn’t compare the road you’re taking to Mexico to someone going to Japan, right?
Same applies to where you are in life right now. You can’t compare your own life to those around you.
Stop feeling the pressure to achieve life milestones just because people around you are doing that as well. Stop rushing your life just because people are rushing theirs.
Your current life’s path is what it's supposed to be
You compare yourself to those around you. Then these questions follow:
"Am I doing something wrong?"
"Am I supposed to be working in this position this late in my career?"
"Am I supposed to be having a kid because everyone else my age is doing the same?"
The answer to all this is simple.
It doesn't f*cking matter.
I wouldn’t change my life in any way. Sure, I could have avoided a few mistakes along the way.
I could’ve left Brazil sooner
I could’ve started coding sooner
I could’ve started writing sooner
I could’ve moved to Ireland sooner.
I could’ve started running with barefoot shoes sooner
I could’ve applied for jobs in Ireland while I was still in Spain
I could’ve gotten an office job instead of working for Five Guys in Spain
I could've done a lot of things. But think about it.
Where you are right now is the result of these 3 million decisions you took along the winding road of life.
If I “corrected” a “mistake” I made 10 years ago, I doubt I’d be here. Sitting at my desk in this cold apartment, married to my wife, writing this article.
My life is not perfect. Far from it. But no one has the perfect Barbie movie life where everything works out (despite what you see on social media)
That’s why it doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing. They are doing “it” (kids, buying a house, focusing on career progression) because of the “mistakes” they made. In their very own unique situation.
Mistakes are part of life. Part of your life. And all these "mistakes" you think you made in the past have a purpose. To guide you into the future, as you reflect on who you are and who you want to become.
Keep on going. Don't stop. Adjust as needed. But remember that your path is as it's supposed to be.
Unique for you.
No one else.