The Only Tiny Habit I Have To Avoid Feeling Miserable
~ Low expectations are not the same as being pessimistic
I was miserable on my birthday last year.
Why?
I had high expectations.
I expected people to remember my birthday. And rush to message me on WhatsApp.
But as I kept watching my phone, waiting for the new-message sound to ring, I got more and more depressed. Hour after hour without a ring made me miserable.
I realize now how stupid I was.
I don’t rush to congratulate anyone on their birthday. So why would they do that to me? I also didn't care that sometimes life happens. Maybe some of my friends lost their job, had their kid in the hospital, or were just exhausted from work. Who am I to be mad at them for not sending me a message?
But the problem isn't about expecting things on your birthday. It's about what happens when you rely on others to be happy. You set yourself up to be miserable. To get disappointed. To get mad at your friends and family.
Then something weird happened.
When I stopped expecting messages, people started to reach out, saying how sorry they missed my birthday.
And that made me happy. Suddenly I stopped giving a f*ck people forgot my birthday. All I cared about was (and still is) human contact.
And since my last birthday I've been training myself daily to be happier.
A simple mindset shift to change your reality.
Train yourself to expect nothing. It's the only thing you can control.
This morning, remind yourself of what is in your control and what’s not in your control. Remind yourself to focus on the former and not the latter.
– Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic
Every time I sit down to write one of these articles, I want it to succeed.
But I can't control the al-GOD-rithms. I can't make people open and read emails I send. I can't control reality.
But I can control my expectations. And when you do that, there are 2 main reasons why it’ll make you happier:
You can't control everything around you. But you can control your expectations.
It's hard to get disappointed when something you weren't expecting doesn't happen.
So whenever I hit publish, I expect no one to read it (except my wife…)
This mindset shift makes writing online much easier. Much more enjoyable than only thinking about reads and shares.
Sure… Those things are important. They’re a clue you’re doing something right. But if you expect them to be zero, then anything above zero is a bonus.
Stop expecting life to be an Instagram feed of amazing times. Expect life to be sh*t sometimes. It's the (small) price you pay now for more happiness later.
Low expectations are not the same as being pessimistic
If you have no expectations in life, are you pessimistic?
Or are you more likely to feel happier when you have small wins in life?
I like to think it’s the latter.
It prepares you for the worst-case scenario. Because if all you think about is the best-case scenario, you're setting yourself up for failure.
Because if your article goes viral, or you get a promotion at work, or you run a marathon, you'll be like "Ah... that's cool... I kinda was expecting that".
But if you don't expect it and it happens, you get an extra boost in your happiness. Just like a dog wagging their tail when they hear the sound of a leash.
Train yourself to expect nothing. You'll make yourself happier than ever before.
How can I help you? Send me a DM and ask away!